I was a flight risk with a fear of falling, wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts?

My life has been in a whirlwind for the past 2 weeks. Everything has been going past so quickly, like bam bam. The only thing that doesn’t seem to come is some sort of confirmation from the local universities. But ah, I guess no news is better than bad news. It means there’s still that chance and slight glimmer of hope. I’m not exactly pessimistic about the situation but I could do with less optimism.

For 2 weeks, so many questions have been hitting me, slapping me in my head non-stop. Started to think about what I should be focusing on in University, what kind of job should I be keeping an eye on and doing my own research now since I have developed an aversion to very mundane work (Don’t get me wrong, I love my workplace. I love the people, I love the environment, I don’t even mind spending $60 a month on transport, it’s just that, I cannot envision myself doing something like that for more than a year. I will drive myself mad. Very mad).

And then other aspects of life.. Looking at all my cousins, with their partners, I feel so, envious? Yet at the same time, I feel like I’m so flawed, I will be a bad girlfriend, then a bad wife and daughter-in-law.

What do I exactly want? A kind of relationship that is realistic or those crazy, feet-sweeping kind of romantic love that only happens to 1 in a million people?

Would I want someone, who fits me well, many things in common, similar values and mindsets, and just live that peaceful life (and possibly boring), or someone that I can fight so hard with and at the end of the day, we know that we still love each other like crazy afterall?

I’m insane, to be thinking of such stuff now (I know right but I’m going to be 19 and then, suddenly I feel so old).

When a couple has children, maybe they try to hold on to a relationship, for the sake of the children.

But what if they don’t, do they just keep drifting on to other people, in hope of finding the right one?

Love is seriously such a waste of time.

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