Even in my dreams, I look for you and wander around while singing this song.

When news of the date for the BIGBANG Alive World Tour for Singapore broke out yesterday, I was so ecstatic.

I’ve been crossing my fingers, praying so hard for them to come, on a date that would suit my schedule. And I’m so glad it’s not a date when I’m out of the country. So now I’m gonna pray it’s a school holiday on that day.

Now, I feel so vacant. Like I’m standing in the middle of the sea, and a thousand of waves of emotions hitting me endlessly, finally sweeping me up the shore, making me feel so empty.

The happiness that’s bursting inside me is indescribable. I feel extremely hyped up, easily satisfied. Their upbeat songs makes me look at their pretty album covers and smile at my phone. I close my eyes and imagine how the concert would be like in my head. The stadium will be pitch dark, with LED lights spanning across. Then there will be a sea of yellow crowns, the VIPs will be waving it, while chanting away, in sync to the beats and lyrics of the songs.

I see how during Koe Wo Kikasete, I will be grooving to TOP’s rap, and when he finishes it off with ‘Till then wait for you girl~’, I will mimic him and echo ‘girl, girl girl’. Then during songs like Tonight, Fantastic Baby, Lies (And start doing TOP’s finger twirling move, and I LOVE YOU MORE MORE), I will be all hyped up, screaming and cheering away, till I lose my voice, or till my throat goes sore.

But when it comes to songs like Haru Haru (Acoustic), Love Song and Blue, I will start to feel so sad. Just like how I felt when The Click Five was performing Empty in 2008. I will feel, so, empty. Damn. I know I will start to feel really emotional, because those songs just have that effect on you.

And maybe if they end it with songs like Sunset Glow and Hands Up, I will feel really pumped up again. Maybe still a little upset that I know the concert is going to end, but yet it’s going to be a fabulous ending.

I’m also crossing my fingers for a number of their solo/sub-unit performances. I would love to see GD performing Heartbreaker and Breathe so much, and let me pee in girlish delight. I would pray so hard for TOP to sing Of All Days, Oh Mom and Act As If Nothing Is Wrong, give him a pat on the shoulder or a hug and tell him we love him so much. I want to see Taeyang be all sexy and grinding on the floor with his bad-ass dance moves. And my smiling angel Daesung, to sing Wings, and not be afraid of looking into his fans’ eyes. Of course, also Seungri, to sing Strong Baby, as well as What Can I Do, and tell him how much he has grown up.

The thought of post-concert withdrawal symptoms just scares me so much. I had it quite badly for months after TC5’s concert and I barely knew them that well yet!! It’s going to hurt so bad when they’re out of Singapore, especially when I know so many of their songs, love their quirky personalities, and have kinda been through with them during their toughest times.

For the next few months, many people will have to put up with my crazy antics. I will listen to their songs even more, memorise their lyrics even harder, continue to fangirl even more passionately.

What makes me guilty is the greed that will stem after the concert. First, I wanted to listen to their songs. Then I start getting sapped into their news, wanting to know what they have been doing. Then I start investing in albums, sub-group albums. And now, wanting to go for a concert. Next time? Fly to Korea for BIG SHOW or YG Family Concert? Try all ways to see them up close and personal with the hope of interacting with them? This never-ending greed would be insatiable. But it will feel so good, even if it eats me up alive.

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5 thoughts on “Even in my dreams, I look for you and wander around while singing this song.

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