Over the years, I realised I like to be with myself. I love being alone to quite a large extent. Provided I have my music with me. I can not be without it, or else I’ll feel like.. Dying?
It’s a trait in me that I started noticing ever since I was 14. Our school was in the temporary RJ campus. Almost everyone would be going home via the train in the same direction (i.e. to the East). From Buona Vista to Bishan, there were 2 ways you could get there and both had the same number of train stops. However, the West-bound train, would bring you around the North areas of Singapore, and the travelling time would be longer. I knew that. But I told my classmates it was more convenient and then I would board the train alone.
I liked it. I like the rhythm of my music running through my mind, as though it was a source of energy flowing through my veins along with my blood. It gave me strength. It made me think about my life, the people around me, the things I want to do. On these solitary rides, I pondered a lot. More than I could ever imagine. I loved the long journey. Then I would explore Bishan on my own, while bobbing my head to the beats of the songs and tapping my fingers along with the background music. I would sit in a corner in the library kids’ section, doing my own work, reading my own books. I guess I loved it a lot.
While running on the treadmill today, I was doing the same thing. Listening to my upbeat playlist, mouthing Korean lyrics that I don’t even understand (Because they were simply just stuck in my head), slightly moving my hands along to the choreography that I vaguely remember. And…. I hate running. In school, I would always find the opportunity to get out of it. Oh running? No, I can’t do it. Oh other activities? Sure, no problem. But, on my own, I jogged for about 5.6km. I never knew I could do that. During PE, I would run for 200m and give up. (Shhh, during 2.4km run last year, I imagined TOP was at the finishing line and I ran my best timing ever in 6 years)
I guess I’m weird.
But once you spend too much time being alone, you start to feel lonely. I would want someone whom I can sit around with, just listening to the songs we like being played in the background, and we would enjoy these moments. We can just listen, sing along, goof along to the songs, and laugh at ourselves at the end of it. I would love that.
On the side note, I read in the papers today that Lee Heem Wei will be the first Singaporean gymnast to qualify for Olympics. I’m really proud of her. We don’t even know each other. I’ve only seen her during my training sessions at Bishan Sports Hall ever since I was 10/11. She was probably 15/16 then.
I would always look at the Singapore Team gymnasts in awe. Both the guys and the girls. The way they trained so hard, yet have so much fun with one another. The way they fell off the various apparatuses and stand up with a smile and try harder. The way they tear at times. When they wanted to use the uneven bars, my class would move to somewhere else; maybe to do somersaults into the foam, or floor routines.
Reading the article just made me want to go back to training gymnastics again, though it would be really tough. I’m no longer as flexible as I was 3 years ago. Training was tough, but it was good. There were times when I would dread going for the sessions as I was exhausted after a long day in school as well as third language classes. But after an intense 2-hour workout session, I would always leave the sports hall feeling rejuvenated.
When I was still in Primary School, I had fallen off the high beam once, and landed on my back. I stared up at the ceiling, all stunned. My mind was empty from the impact. I had a phobia of beams for a while. I couldn’t even do cartwheels on the low beam for a really long time. (I knew I really sucked hah) But there are many precious lessons that I have learnt from my training sessions and friends that I have made (All were younger than me, I was this big old sister. When I was 16, the kids from my class were like 9/10)
The thing I was most proud of myself was my handsprings. I thought I kind of perfected it quite well. I was quick, my hands and body were straight, I pushed and lifted myself back to standing position quickly and I landed stably (in a graceful position hehe).
It’s a pity I will not be able to experience all that again.