During the short 2-days orientation, I found myself thrown into a land of strangers… Suddenly, I’m back to this whole ‘new’ environment thing, after 6 long years. You don’t know almost everyone there, you have to start making new friends all over again… And it’s not easy, doing all these when you’re 19.
When you were 13, you probably did a bunch of crazy embarrassing stuff, some of which are probably the best memories you hold on to, some of which everyone has probably forgotten. But when you’re 19, it’s just so, different. I can’t even find the right words to explain it.
And during the camp, I tried to make new friends.. I met a bunch of lovely people and enjoyed myself thoroughly. I guess, I really did, try.
I made this choice, and I got to stick to it. It’s an expensive decision and it’s up to me to make my 3 years worthwhile.
There’s just this teeny struggle within me. I was running so hard, away from where I came from but I can’t help wonder if things would be better if I had fought stronger and never did run away from my past.
But… No regrets. I’ve got to find my motivation and strength to push myself to do well. I no longer do have the time to waste and idle away.
It’s just, as orientation was ending, I could feel this sickening dread building up slowly. 9 months of holidays, it’s going to end, in 2 days’ time. What have I accomplished?
It wasn’t a wasted holiday, I know that for sure. I worked hard for 6 months, did not ask for any allowance from my parents during the holidays. I’d pay for my own expenses quite willingly. It felt really good to spend my own money. I found another job, met really awesome people, who may (or may not) have changed my mindsets in certain ways.
‘From now on you’ll be travelling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey.’
One of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite movies.
Time to be brave.