Throw a stranger an unexpected smile… With big intention.

The thought of how people are celebrating the end of mid-terms is just so depressing. The USS Halloween parties that people are going to this weekend.. Where on earth is my social life?

I don’t really see the need to hang out too much with my school mates because we see each other every single day and I enjoy it. I’m all smiles and bent over laughing too hard. Then I miss my outside friends… Which sadly, I’ve only got about a handful. Doesn’t help that we are all busy with our own commitments and other friends.. Suddenly, you can’t help but feel so… Lonely?

There are so many things I want to do but my workload just refuse to let me do so. Or is it me? Every weekend, I tell myself to hold on for the upcoming week, pull through it, and there, another week is gone. This cycle repeats itself week after week.

Maybe if I actually relax a little, give myself some free time, I might not be feeling this way. Or maybe, the truth is, deep down inside, I like being alone. I like being at home, doing nothing, laying in bed while hugging my bolster. I feel lonely and upset, then I hug my toys and I feel better. Oh, great, I think I sound like a psycho right now.

Then at times like these, I tell myself to hold on and keep moving forward. I want to smack my head and stop over thinking. I don’t know what’s up with this random wave of emotions overwhelming me all of the sudden. I’d like to think it’s possibly just me freaking out inside over the upcoming tests..

It’ll all be over soon. Scumbag brain.

I’d like to think that after all these years, maybe I have changed a little in a certain aspect. I feel like there’s still a part of me, which is so juvenile. So immature. Go away, stop haunting me.

I’ve been walking, you’ve been hiding,
And you look half dead half the time.
Monitoring you, like machines do,
You’ve still got it, I’m just keeping an eye.
You know you’re better than this.

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