I’ve been holding back this feeling so I’ve got some things to say to you.

I was looking through my Tumblr and realised that my queued posts are at an all time low… And if I don’t start surfing my dashboard, my blog will probably just become dead in a about a month or two. Not that I really do care anymore oops.

Then I saw my drafts and recalled this post that I typed a long time back.. It’s a post that I’ll never publish. I think I’ll delete it soon actually hehe. It’s not even a third complete.. I was reading through it again, and it reminded me of some of the memories that I don’t even think about now.

I wanted to write the story of us, the story that had ended such a long time ago. (I thought I wouldn’t forget whatever we had.. And I did. It’s a good thing, really.) I probably started writing it when I was in the first year of JC. I don’t even remember, I don’t even need to. It was quite interesting, looking at my old perspective of you, of us. It was kind of like 50 Shades (except there wasn’t anything sexual), it’s just the way Anastasia looked at Christian.. It was kind of like It Started With a Kiss.. Dumb girl meets almost perfect smart guy.

Except, mine wasn’t going to be a happy ending. Not with you anyway.

Looking back at it, I’m laughing at myself, for being so naive, so foolish. It’s not even exactly your fault because all those while, I was envisioning you to be this great person when in fact, you are not? I completely saw you not as who you were, but an idea of who I hoped you would be.

Why was my 16 year old self so silly? I wasted so much time over you, I put myself through so much unnecessary hurt just to get over you. Back then, I would curl up in bed, crying myself to sleep at the thought of you going away to study.. (What even, what the heck was wrong with me!!!)

I don’t really care by now, if people read this and actually know who this guy is… Because what’s wrong with crushing on someone? I don’t even like him anymore. I don’t even think about him anymore.

If I ever meet you again, I want to be able to laugh it off. How awkward it must have been for us and all at that point of time. Thank you for putting up with all that. What was I thinking anyway? We could never talk to each other in real life, that was a sign. So what if we could talk so well via text?

I completely blinded myself because you were the first guy – that wasn’t my boyfriend – to compliment me. To care for and nag at me when I was sick. I was just so naive.

I’m glad to see you doing well now.

Honestly, and I’m even happier that I’m doing better now because I learnt so much from all that. Those 3 years of feeling horrible, all the mistakes I made along the way while trying to get over you. It made me grow as a person.

Thank you. Really. And all the best.


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