Listening to my favourite Christmas song (Winter Moon by Mindy Gledhill) at the moment.. It never fails to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, even though her voice is so sweet and gentle – the same vibes I get when I listen to Ellie Goulding.
For this Christmas, I have so many things and people to be thankful for.. I tend to reflect on my year and it’s so close to New Year.. So I guess some things, I’ll leave it till another time to say.
Even though 2012 has been an emotional roller-coaster ride for me, I’m still glad things are turning out really well now. I guess there were just so many ups and downs – it was a year of discovering and knowing others, as well as myself. Somewhere along the way, I got really lost, I started to lose faith and hope, not just in others, but in myself as well.
You know that feeling, when you listen to a Taylor Swift song, and you’re like “Oh my, that’s exactly what I’m going through” and “Oh yes, she’s describing that asswipe that broke my heart”. It used to be like that for me, and it scares me how when I listen to ‘I Knew You Were Trouble.’, I always have that thought that she might be singing about someone like me. Yes of course, in my mind, I have met that kind of person she was singing about in that song, but I thought deeper and deeper and I kept listening to “And the saddest fear comes creeping in, that you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything“. Then you know, the sense of dread just fills me up.. I mean I have thought about myself that way before (Said it in a previous post a long time ago), but suddenly her song made it so much clearer. I look back on my past relationships (especially the last two) and I know, how people should have steered clear away from me at the very beginning.
Then I was reading through all your letters yesterday (Seriously the sweetest thing I’ve ever received.. I must have saved a country in my previous life!!), and while you were reading the last one out to me, I was tearing somewhere in between and I know I shouldn’t doubt myself (or rather my own feelings). I’ve said this many times but I love your writing so so much.. I guess when I read your letters, it’s almost as if I can feel your presence around me… And I’m such a sucker for letters.
So for this Christmas, I’m really thankful for the way events unfolded this year for me… It’s almost as if me doing badly for A’s, which indirectly resulted in me working at St. Games allowed me to meet you.. I’m thankful for all the times we worked together (I think out of all the days I worked, 90% was with you), thankful that I actually had that PvZ thought that day and so on… Heh.
Most importantly, thank you for loving me so so so so much and allowing me to love you back the same way.
Merry Christmas to whoever that’s reading this!