I read an article today, The 11 Differences Between Dating a Boy VS a Man. Well many might not agree with what the author has written, I could relate to the article due to my personal experiences and even the observations I make of the people around me.
I used to be this really naive girl, the girl who falls for the ‘bad’ boy and believes she will be able to change him. The girl who believes she can get the best of both worlds, to enjoy that deviance and then some time later, enjoy him being the man she truly needs. The girl who believes she will be the exception.
Every time I think back about two previous experiences, in both cases, we never became a couple, I now truly understand how unsuitable they were for me. Yes, they sure as hell were attractive because they were so ‘unavailable’. They could make you feel like dirt and this sick part of you will love the way it hurts. It’s almost perverse, the mentality and the experience.
The two lessons have taught me numerous lessons:
Real men need not constantly emphasise how ‘mature’ they are or can possibly be. They will prove it to you with their actions. They will not play sick little mind games with you, just to get you to do their bidding, and satisfy the big fat ego that they have. In worse cases, some even say things to hurt your own ego, to make you doubt your own self-worth, to make you question if you are ever good enough for them. Real men choose to talk about problems instead of giving vague replies, or asking you to think through about it on your own (as if it was only a one-sided problem) or in my case, choose to go missing on you for 24 hours and come back later asking you how it felt like to have him completely missing from your life for that long.
I wouldn’t say that I’m fully a ‘woman’ in the author’s description. Yes, in some ways, I have seen how I have matured and reflect upon what I really want in my life, now and in the future. I wouldn’t fall under the category of ambitious but with each passing day, I respect my self-worth and understand that I don’t have to be subservient or weak just to get a guy to like me, or think he likes me. Maybe it’s my unique dating experience that shaped me to become who I am today, to pry my eyes open and clearly see what is suitable for me. Or maybe it’s just my character, because I can be feisty. I remember the days back when I was 15/16 and I told myself, “Yes, ultimately he will realise that you are the one, because you chose to wait all these while, because you stuck through all this crap.” I remember clearly how I felt like I was worth nothing, when the guy I liked chose to go MIA on me.
Then something inside of my mind just clicked and also perhaps a special guy was finally treating me like a proper girl. A guy who sincerely wanted to know me for who I am, and not just for a summer fling. Suddenly I realise, I don’t have to be that girl who puts up with all the shit that jerks or immature boys decide to throw at me. While I may not have the best qualities, there comes a point whereby I simply didn’t care anymore and I would tell myself, “Well if he doesn’t appreciate me or my efforts, then it’s his loss.”
I’ve been in a 8-month plus relationship for now, it isn’t short and it definitely isn’t long, but it has been a wonderful journey thus far. My previous relationships were full of little mind games, jealousy, discontentment, never feeling good enough, keeping mum and acting like everything is okay when in fact nothing was. While I guess I can say I have matured a teeny bit more, I would also attribute most of it to luck. I must have saved a country in my previous life to have met someone who is able to put up with my nonsense and make me become a better person. While we start to see each other’s flaws over time, we tap on each other’s energies to improve ourselves and our mindsets. I have become more understanding now, relationship-wise, and I’ve learnt that talking through problems is actually so much easier than avoiding them. Perhaps, my course of study helps me keep myself in check as well, now that I’ve learnt so many new interpersonal communication tips. Applying them have made me become a calmer and more rational person as well.
I’m really contented with the man I have now, the man who shares both his local and overseas experiences with me, the man who tells me everyday that I’m the woman he loves. Guess we’re both the lucky ones.