What do you do when there’s nothing left to say?
It’s scary how almost everything you say is accurate. You are right when you say I chose the easy way out, when ‘bad you’ was winning over ‘good you’ – though I honestly don’t think there exists a bad or good, because what ‘bad you’ thinks is not necessarily ‘bad’. It’s scary for me too, how things went through one whole circle, and back to square one.
I read through my old posts and I wonder – what happened? To be honest, I’m not sure either. I’m not sure if I don’t know or I just don’t want to know. What happened to the every ounce of confidence I seemed to have back then? What happened to everything, which vanished into nothing?
I think about things and I can only agree that I chose the easy way out.
Truth is, nobody knows me, not myself either. I don’t want to believe that my feelings are like a switch – it can be turned on and off anytime I want. But somewhere in between, things changed, I got used to being alone (again) and feelings fade. Perhaps there was a problem before you even left. The thought of it just makes my stomach churn. I cringe and I don’t want to think about it ever again.
It doesn’t help with the way things ended, and then a certain someone made things more awkward than it was (I don’t really want to say anything about it, but just one word, childish). Now, I only wish for you to hate me, if it makes it easier for you to get through. I can’t offer any explanations, just apologies. That is all I’m capable of, I guess.
I’m honestly sick of myself too. I hate how I listen to those annoying stupid heartbreak songs and constantly just think of myself as being a terrible person, and think that that’s just who I am.
Maybe that’s just who I’ll ever be.
I’d say everything points to, the disappearance of the girl.