So I’m doing that same thing again, the same thing I told myself not to repeat ever since I went to Korea. There’s just something about being in a foreign place on your own, and especially when I’m that kind of person who does not seek that much connection from my friends, I find myself clamming up and going back to my shell.
That is not to say that I’m distancing myself from them whatsoever. I still feel that my friendships are the same, I still anticipate the day when I get to go back home and see their lovely faces. It’s just I tend to be over-independent and not want open up as much as I would love to if I weren’t in a different country, especially with the 13 hour time difference right now.
I feel like a terrible friend – haven’t been Skyping anyone at all, even my texts via WhatsApp/LINE/Kakaotalk are so limited (I’m so terribly sorry to my close friends….) And even so, I don’t exactly feel lonely at all…
Until last night, while studying for a quiz… I just got hit by a wave of emotions. I felt downright shitty. I wished there was someone to talk to, not just via text or Skype, just face to face. I’ve got a million of emotions and thoughts to confront, and I don’t know where to begin.
Perhaps the thought of returning home is somewhat comforting, considering that I only have slightly more than a month left. But even then, I hate the idea of leaving this place. I feel lost at the thought of leaving a place I’ve grown attached to, a place that has helped me develop my self-identity and all, and I would hate to go back home and sort of lose all that.
I guess that’s why they say that returning home is harder than travelling far away. I am so going to miss the freedom and independence I have. Sure, I have to do my own laundry, cook for myself, buy my groceries – but that is life! Et la vie est très belle! I go home with the thought of wanting to experiment more with cooking but at the same time, I’m not sure I want to (oh boy, I can cut myself some slack when it comes to cleaning up here)
I love how I am able to drive (though I’m not supposed to) and experience new things for myself despite being in a dead town with hardly anything to do. Sure, Singapore is so much more vibrant, but I’m going to get bored again ultimately, because I’m back to that old lifestyle that I feel so restricted in.
Ah well well, that’s me and my contradicting self, again.
And it seems I’ve gone off topic again but yeah, I really want someone to talk to in person.